How to Survive a Horror Movie

Rules for When You Find Yourself in a Horror Movie

– Don’t assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.

– When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.

– Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

– Don’t go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out!

– If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else’s voice.

– When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone.

– Don’t have sex. Especially if you’ve noticed a few of your friends are missing!

– As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.

-Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

– If you’re searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it’s just the cat, don’t stand there sighing with relief, GET THE HECK OUT!

– If appliances start operating by themselves, don’t check for short circuits; JUST GET OUT!

– Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

– If you find a town which looks deserted, there’s probably a good reason for it. Don’t stop and look around.

– Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you’re doing.

– If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely ambling along, it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

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And…done

30 years later. One final stitch. My blanket is done.

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SNC

Last night I had an opportunity to go see one of my favorite acapella groups, Straight No Chaser at the Flynn in Burlington, Vermont. It was the final night of their “The Speakeasy Tour” and they were simply fantastic! I’ve caught some of their stuff on YouTube and they are not only great singers but they have a fantastic sense of humor. After the show, I was able to get their autographs and speak to them for a little bit. They are some of the most grounded and down-to-earth guys I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Next time they come this way, I’m taking my mom to see them.

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I love being a grandma.

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Just Call Me Grandma

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Oliver Wesley March 3, 2018

Yep. I can now add the title “Grandma” to my resume. Last week, my daughter had been feeling poorly, not sleeping, couldn’t keep anything down, so she went to the local er. They said her blood pressure was high, gave her some liquids and sent her home. She was fine for a few days. Thursday the 2nd, she again wasn’t feeling great and went back to the ER. I get a phone call from her fiancé that they’re taking her to the hospital in Burlington, Vermont because she’s showing all the signs of preeclampsia and they want to induce labor. My first thought: holy shit! My baby is sick! My second thought: my grandson is 6 weeks early! Naturally, I had to be there for my daughter so I called out of work Saturday morning and my boyfriend drove me to the hospital in Vermont.

She’d only been to two birthing classes and they hadn’t even gotten to labor and breathing yet and I could tell she was scared out of her mind. But we coached her through the labor pains and she was fantastic. They had taken out a balloon they had put in to stretch her cervix for the baby and after that, the labor pains became more frequent. She did great the first couple of hours before the pain became too much and she finally consented to an epidural. She was scared that she wouldn’t be able to sit still while they inserted the needle, but again, she proved herself wrong and was perfectly still for it.

Finally she was ready to push. She kept saying she felt like she had to poop and she couldn’t hold it anymore. That was the sign Oliver was ready to be born and the room became a hive of activity. Her fiancé, Kyle and I held her legs as she was told to push. There were several times she wanted to give up, I could see it, but we gave her so much encouragement and support and when his little head popped out, I started bawling.

There is no greater feeling in the world than watching your grandchild being born. My heart swelled. And I was so proud of my daughter because when she wanted to give up, she knew she couldn’t because that little boy needed her.

And at 10:25 pm, Saturday, March 3, 2018, my first grandson, Oliver Wesley I. was born. Because he was 6 weeks early, he had to be on oxygen for a day or so to help his lungs function correctly but now he’s breathing on his own and I’m told by the new mommy and daddy he’s eating like a full term baby. Seeing them hold their son for the first time brought tears to my eyes.

The next 18+ years are going to be fun as I watch this family grow. I can’t wait!

 

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My Life Motto

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My 🥜

Hi my little peanut! I can’t wait to meet you this coming April. Grandma loves you already!👵🏾😊😍😭🎉

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