How to Survive a Horror Movie

Rules for When You Find Yourself in a Horror Movie

– Don’t assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.

– When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.

– Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

– Don’t go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out!

– If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else’s voice.

– When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone.

– Don’t have sex. Especially if you’ve noticed a few of your friends are missing!

– As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.

-Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

– If you’re searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it’s just the cat, don’t stand there sighing with relief, GET THE HECK OUT!

– If appliances start operating by themselves, don’t check for short circuits; JUST GET OUT!

– Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

– If you find a town which looks deserted, there’s probably a good reason for it. Don’t stop and look around.

– Don’t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you’re sure you know what you’re doing.

– If you’re running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely ambling along, it’s still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

About B

Roleplayer. Mom. Daughter. Sister. Grandma.
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